I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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