if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
