Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
