My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
