i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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