We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
