I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
You did what with his pubic hair?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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