Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Randomize
