You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
