if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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