All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
