God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
