By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
