Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
