While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
