Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Randomize
