She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
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