3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Randomize
