Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
