Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Only a mothe r could love this liver
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
