my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
