Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Randomize
