Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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