Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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