so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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