to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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