my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
