he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Randomize
