babies were throwing up all over the place
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I just found a bag of teeth...
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
