so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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