After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize
