she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
