I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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