Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Randomize
