I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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