I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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