I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
