I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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