so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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