it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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