Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
