why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
