What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
