i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
