remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
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