and my herpes radar will keep us safe
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Randomize
