i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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