do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
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