is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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