you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
