A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
