I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
