Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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