well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Randomize
