haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
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