Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
