Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
