In the future we'll all be gay
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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