I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
