is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
