better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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