before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Ladies don't puke and tell
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
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