Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize
