Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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